The One With All the Holidays
by AshleyNicole86
Summary: A whole year of holidays, Plum style. Babe fic. Read and be Merry! Some Lemons...
1. The One With a Tequila Miracle

**New story!!! I hope you like it.

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_Don't get kidnapped._

_Don't wreck any cars._

_Don't burn down any buildings._

_Don't roll in garbage._

_Break up with Joe._

I read off my list of resolutions to Connie and Lula and watched their mouths drop open at the last one. Maybe I shouldn't have dropped the Joe bomb on them this way. I looked around the bond's office and sighed. Connie was the secretary at my cousin Vinnie's bond company. She was a few inches taller, a few sizes bigger, and a whole lot more Italian than I was. Lula was our file a clerk, my sometimes partner and former 'ho. Lula was dressed for a day of bounty hunting in skin tight jeans and an equally tight tube top in zebra print.

Lula and Connie were only two of the reasons my job was interesting. The rest though, like the kidnapping, wrecked cars, exploding buildings and constantly rolling in garbage, weren't nearly as fun as Lula and Connie were.

Both Lula and Connie, who weren't completely sane themselves, were now looking at me like I was off my rocker.

"You're going to break up with Morelli?" Connie said and looked at Lula.

"I can't marry him, so what's the point?" I asked. Morelli had finally proposed to me in an actual 'let's set a date' type of way and it scared the crap out of me. Morelli was a detective with the Trenton PD and we had a long and sordid history that started with him teaching me to play choohoo when were in elementary school and taking my virginity when I was sixteen, to our on again, off again relationship of the last few years. Morelli wanted a Burg housewife completely with 2.5 kids and a pot roast. I just wanted to not roll in garbage. Our priorities were slightly different. Add to that the fact that I might be in love with my mentor slash protector Carlos Manoso, AKA Ranger, and I had some good reasons not to say yes to Joe's proposal.

Both Connie and Lula looked like they agreed with me in a way, like they couldn't fathom letting someone that looked like Joe get away. I sighed, I'd already made me decision, this back and forth with me and Joe wasn't healthy. I was tired of getting yelled at about my job and about Ranger.

The door opened behind me and I would have known who it was even if Connie and Lula hadn't stopped breathing. Ranger pressed himself against my back and laid a kiss on my neck. I forgot about my list until he spoke into my ear. "Babe, that's a hefty list you've got there."

I turned to face him with a smile, "It's not polite to read things that aren't yours."

"I don't generally worry about being polite babe." His eyes wondered over me and things tightened low in my body and I licked my lips. "The guys are getting together tonight at the new bar on Oak Street. You going to come and keep me company?" I think I licked my lips again. A night with Ranger and the Merry Men? Yowsa. I nodded and Ranger let a hint of a smile show in his eyes. "See you at eight." Ranger walked out of the office and Connie and Lula let out their breaths.

"Oooh boy, I'm coming with you tonight!" Lula said. I sighed, this was going to turn into a big thing now, with outfits and everything. "What? You don't want me coming with?" Lula asked. Uh oh, I'd sent Lula into rhino mode.

"No! I do want you to come. But you know, Tank will be there." I recovered quickly. Tank and Lula had been broken up for a while now and things were still a little tense.

"That's his problem, not mine." Lula said. Okay then. I grabbed my skip files off Connie's desk and flipped through them. I could probably bring in at least two before I had to go get ready for the big night out.

"You wanna be my backup?" I asked Lula. Having Lula as back up was often like not having backup, but she sometimes came in handy.

"Hells yeah." Lula grabbed her bag and we walked outside. We looked between our two cars and Lula sighed, "I don't want to haul around no naked guys in my Firebird." I couldn't even argue, I was always hauling in naked guys. Lula didn't seem to upset; I was driving a nice car for once. It was a black Jeep Cherokee on loan from Rangeman and while I wasn't too excited about the probability of putting a naked man in one of Ranger's cars, it didn't bother me too much.

Our first skip was Patrick O'Malley and I knew from past experience that he would be found at McCarthy's Bar, even at noon. Patrick had been booked to appear on a grand theft auto charge. We drove to the bar and I grabbed cuffs and my stun gun out of my bag. Patrick was sitting at the bar, already dead drunk.

I took a seat next to him and he didn't even look up. I slapped a cuff on his right hand, "Patrick O'Malley you've missed your court date. I'm going to take you to get rescheduled," I said nicely. Patrick stood up, pulling the cuff out of my grasp and making me fall off the bar stool.

"Like hell you are!" Patrick took off running and I scrambled up and started after him. Cripes he was fast for a drunk guy. I watched as he ran up to Jeep, jumped in and took off. He might have been a fast runner but he was a crappy driver and he ran straight into a pole. Lula was standing next to where the car had been, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"You were supposed to stay in the car!" I yelled as I ran towards the now totaled Jeep. "Call 911!" I heard sirens and shouted never mind. I grabbed my stun gun and flipped it on, just in case. The passenger side door opened and Patrick flew at me. He hit me in a dead run and I pushed the button on the stun gun and watched him tense and then slump to the ground.

Eddie and his partner showed up first, Eddie took a look at the car, sighed and handed a twenty to his partner. "You couldn't have held off until tomorrow huh? Anyone hurt?"

"No, well, Patrick here seemed fine until I buzzed him. And I might not be okay when Ranger sees that I ruined another of his cars." I sighed as Joe pulled up in his city issued POS cop car. He got out and looked at the Jeep and gritted his teeth. Joe hadn't known I'd wrecked my car yesterday, or that I was driving a Rangeman vehicle.

"Am I going to need Maalox?"

"Not if you leave now."

"Christ. What happened?" I laid out the whole story, dancing around the whole car issue. "Alright. I'll fax Connie your body receipt. You remember I'm on tonight and can't do anything, right?"

"Yeah, its fine, I made plans." Oh crap. I hadn't meant to say that. Joe cocked an eyebrow at me and I tried to get Lula's attention to save me. She was standing as far away from all police activity as possible. I spied a black Porsche pull up out of the corner of my eye. I watched Joe's eyes track Ranger across the parking lot.

"Babe. That was brand new."

"Sorry," I said and glanced down.

"Hey its okay, the car is replaceable, you're not. Tank is going to take me back." Ranger handed me his keys and sauntered off. He turned around and shouted, "See you tonight!" Shit.

I looked at Joe who just shook his head and walked off, muttering about me being the death of him. I wiggled Ranger's keys at Lula who hot footed it over to me and slid into the Turbo. "You want to try bad guy number two?"

"Sure, we already had one bad thing happen, I doubt we'll get two." I nodded in agreement and went to pick up Tommy Lanker, he was a repeat skip, wanted on a theft charge. Tommy had stolen some naughty movies from the Pleasure Treasure. I drove to Tommy's house and heard the beautiful sounds of girl on girl porn coming from inside. Wonderful. I knocked loudly.

"I think that's 'lady loving 2'," Lula said. I gave her a look and she gave me one back that scared me a little. Tommy opened the door.

"Oh fuck. Did I forget my court date? Well I can't go now. I have guests." Tommy slammed the door. I sighed and opened the door, he hadn't locked in. I walked into the living room and stopped dead. There were two naked women covered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce on the floor, doing very naughty things to each other. Cripes, I was thoroughly straight but even I was getting turned on.

I tried to grab Tommy and he sprayed me with whipped cream. I jumped out of the way and slipped on something, going down and landing in the middle of the two girls. I was covered in chocolate sauce now and Lula was laughing her ass off. I looked at Tommy, "I'll make you a deal, you give me a towel and I won't bring you in tonight."

"Deal." Tommy gave me a huge beach towel and I left with Lula, covering Ranger's seat before getting in. I dropped Lula off at the office and went to my apartment. I opened the door and dropped my stuff in the hall. I walked into the living room and froze. Ranger was sitting on my sofa.

"Babe."

"I know. It involved two naked lesbians."

"I don't even know what to say to that."

"I need a shower. And then I need a drink."

"I'll wait." Ranger said. He stepped up to me and licked some chocolate off my neck. I checked to make sure my doodah wasn't on fire and then went into the bathroom to shower. It took a couple of lather, rinse, and repeats to get clean. I got out and walked to my room, feeling Ranger's eyes on me the entire journey.

I changed into a short dress with a low cut drapey front and some black knee high FMB's. I did my hair and makeup and walked out into the living room.

"Babe." Ranger gave me the once over. He'd changed while I was gone and I looked him over and licked my lips. Ranger was wearing tight jeans, which was a rare and lovely treat. He had on a tight t-shirt that hugged his muscles and stretched when he moved. His hair was gelled into sexy spikes.

"Right back atcha." We walked down to the car, the sexual tension zinging between us. I tried to ignore it in the car but I kept stealing looks at Ranger and licking my lips. I was contemplating jumping him while he drove when we got to the bar. I sighed and opened my door before Ranger could get to it. He gave me a hand out and we walked into the bar. The Merry Men were gathered around the bar and had already started their drinking. They looked at us and I got quite a few whistles.

I did a curtsy and sat down next to Hector, Ranger took the stool on my other side. Hector looked me up and down, "Damn girl." I giggled and the bartender came over. Ranger ordered us two shots of Cuervo, and I glanced at him nervously.

"Babe?"

"Fine." I slammed my shot and watched Ranger do his. The bartended poured us another and we downed those too. He put down lime and salt and two more shots each. Ranger looked at me with a smirk, "I dare you."

Maybe two shots were enough to impair my judgment, or maybe I just needed to let loose but I nodded and crawled up on the table. I hiked up my dress, grateful I was wearing boy shorts and not a thong. I laid back and grinned up at Hector who was looking at me with wide eyes. I propped myself on my elbows and Ranger slid the lime into my mouth. He shook salt on my cleavage and handed the shot glass to Hector. He licked the salt off my breasts slowly and then positioned himself so he could slowly lick up the tequila that Hector dribbled into my belly button. Ranger waited until it was almost as my underwear before licking it up in long strokes. He finished the tequila and took the lime from my mouth with his teeth. We got a round of applause and I hopped off the bar and pulled my dress down.

"Ranger I've never seen you like this before." I said with a giggle.

"I get once a year to let loose babe, tonight this body isn't a temple."

It might not be a temple, but I'd still like to worship it.

"Babe."

"Fuck did I say that out loud?" I asked. Ranger nodded. "My turn to do a body shot?"

"Babe."

"Take off your shirt and stand up." Ranger did as he was told, stripping off his shirt and leaning against the bar. "Perfect. Stay like that." I put the lime in his mouth and then tugged his jeans down a little and licked a line above them before shaking salt on his abdomen. It stuck where I had licked. Hector had the shot and I licked the salt off Ranger, feeling his muscles tighten. Hector poured shot fast and I licked up his body, drinking the tequila as I moved up. I took the lime from his mouth and sucked on it. There was more clapping and I turned to bow again. I looked straight into Morelli's eyes.

"Well, at least I know why you didn't say yes." Joe's eyes were dark and I started to walk towards him but he waved me off, "Not now Steph. Just go back to having fun." I watched Joe walk out the bar and knew he was walking out of my life. I looked at the bartender with a slight smile. "Dos mas por favor!"

"Babe, you okay?"

"I'm fine. It was on my list, remember?" I looked at Ranger and smiled. I was warm and felt good and Ranger wasn't a temple tonight. I sat down and pulled him towards me by the waistband of his jeans. I slammed down another tequila shot Ranger did two more; I did another to catch up.

"You better slow down Babe."

"Why?"

"You wanna be out cold before the ball drops?"

"Mmm…no. I'll have a coke please!" I said to the bartender. Ranger sat down next to me. I didn't stick to coke and everything started to pass quickly. I matched Ranger shot for shot and I knew he slowed down for my sake.

The clock finally struck midnight and Ranger kissed me long and hard.

I looked over when he let me go and saw Tank and Lula kissing. "I'll be damned! Look at that. It's a tequila miracle."

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**And?**


	2. The One With the Silver Smurfette

**Glad everyone is liking the story. **

**And now we look at what happens on Super Bowl Sunday!

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In my life I was never surprised when a skip got the better of me. It pissed me off but never really surprised me. Maybe that should tell me something about my skill set. I was currently handcuffed naked to a shower rod. Again. This time though I was painted head to toe in blue and silver paint. I'd pissed off a skip by suggesting that I take him in on Super Bowl Sunday. How was I to know he was a Cowboys fan? Cripes. He'd tied me up, stripped me down and he and his buddies had painted me like something out of a Star Trek movie.

I was now in the bathroom as they watched the pre-game show. My jeans were on the floor, and in my pocket was my GPS slash panic button. I pointed my foot and tried to hook my toe into the jeans. I was a half on inch short. I realized I was going to have to let the cuffs cut into my wrists. The metal dug into my skin and I could feel the blood trickle down my arm. I stretched a little more and managed to get the jeans. I knew I didn't have a chance of getting it into my hands but I was able to get them on the edge of the tub where I was standing and stomp on them. The Merry Men would see that the GPS was broken and locate one of my other GPS's to find me. I could only hope Ranger came and not one of the Merry Men.

Our relationship since New Year's had been good. Ranger had taken me home after the ball dropped and made love to me for hours, but we hadn't progressed much past that. We would banter; he helped me with my skips and flirted constantly. Every once in a while we would fall into bed and not come up for a day or two. It was working well for both of us. Ranger loved me in his own way and for now that was enough for me.

I heard multiple cars pull up outside and seconds later I heard the sound of splintering wood from several areas. There was screaming but no gun shots thank god. The bathroom door burst open and Lester froze, mouth open staring at me.

"GO AWAY! RANGER!" I screamed.

Lester was still staring at me. "Christ."

Ranger came up behind him, saw me and smacked Lester on the back of the head. "Get the fuck out Santos." Ranger pushed Lester out the door and came in, shutting it behind him. "Babe." I thought Ranger would be amused but he wasn't smiling. He walked over to my purse, found my cuff keys and unlocked me. I fell into his arms and he kissed my hair. "You okay?" He asked. I took stock and nodded.

"My wrists hurt."

"Babe…they didn't..uh…do I need to kill anyone?" Ranger's eyes were dark

"A few of them groped a little, but nothing too bad," I said. Ranger nodded and pulled me over to the sink to wash my wrists. The paint didn't come off. Fuck. I was going to be blue and silver for the rest of my life.

I got into my clothes and Ranger walked me into the living room. The Merry Men had apparently been briefed by Lester because they were staring at the guys who had done it with murder in their eyes. Ranger turned to look at his men "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He walked me out and to his Turbo.

"What about my car?" I asked.

"Someone will bring it, come on, we'll get you cleaned up."

I slid into the Turbo carefully, I thought I was dry but I didn't want to take any chances.

"Babe relax." Rangers hand came over to rest on my thigh and he started drawing patterns with his thumb. Had hand moved a little further up my leg and I moaned. "Babe."

"What? You haven't been over in a week!" I complained lightly but gave him a smile.

"Sorry, I've been doing stakeouts every night. Not getting off till after midnight."

"Yeah but you could've come over still…"

"You want me to start coming over for booty calls?" He asked, throwing me a glance.

"I don't see why not."

Ranger shifted slightly and out his hand back on the steering wheel as we neared Haywood. "Because you're not a booty call Steph." He glanced at me and pulled into the garage. I thought about that while we rode the elevator to the 7th floor.

"So what am I?" I asked as we walked into the apartment.

Ranger sighed, "I dunno Steph. We are what we are. Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah. Will you help me scrub down?" I asked. Ranger followed me into the bathroom and grinned as I stripped. I turned the water on and watched Ranger take off his shirt and pants. I let me eyes travel over his well muscled arms and pecs and down his abs. I grinned when as my eyes went over his hips and found him hard. I watched one of Ranger's eyebrows rise and I winked. He pushed me into the shower and stepped in behind me. He handed me his loofah, probably never used, and took mine and poured shower gel onto both.

"I use it." He started scrubbing my back and I got to work on my left arm. The paint wasn't coming off. We scrubbed my whole body down and I'll that happened was that I lost a bit of my glossy finish. "Babe. I don't really know where to go from here. We need to talk to someone who knows about paint. It's not my area of expertise."

"Aww, don't feel bad Ranger. If I ever need anyone tortured or killed I'll come right to you." I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel.

"You're a smart ass."

"You love me anyway." Oh crap. I hadn't meant to say that. Jeez Stephanie. Put the man on the spot why don't you?

Ranger grabbed a towel, "Sure do." I swallowed and walked to the closet to get some clothes with a little smile. I watched Ranger get dressed, my smiled widening at I watched him pull on his cargos sans underwear.

"Do you have any idea how sexy that is?"

"Nope, why don't you give it a try and show me?" He winked at me and pulled on a skin tight black shirt. I grinned and pulled my jeans on without my underwear. Ranger's eyes darkened a little as he watched me. I pulled on a black tank top, not bothering with a bra. "I dunno if that will work babe." I raised an eyebrow and Ranger licked his lips. My nipples hardened.

"Damn." I put on a strapless bra and grabbed a sweatshirt. "So where do we go?"

"Down to five, one of the guys might know." We got on the elevator and Ranger pushed me against the wall and pressed himself to me. "Wanna go out tomorrow?"

"Does going out involve sex?"

"If you want it to." Yowsers. I wonder what else he would do if I asked? "Maybe one day you'll find out babe." We got off on the fifth floor and everyone stopped and stared at me. "Anyone know how to fix this?"

"Get her an audition for Smurfs: The Year 2050?" Bobby asked.

"I look like Smurfette does Saturn!" I complained to Ranger.

"Gotta be better than Debbie does Dallas."

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**Still good? Feeling the format?**


	3. The One With the Diamonds and Sex

**Long Chapter! YAY! Warning: Smutty goodness in this chapter. **

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There was something to be said for waking up next to Ranger. The only time I ever see Ranger completely relaxed is when he is sleeping, and so I took full advantage whenever I could. I propped my head up on my hand and watched him, the smile on my face mirroring his own. Today was Valentine's Day and Ranger had insisted I stay over last night. I didn't know what that meant for tonight; usually I only stayed over once a week or so. It was possible that Ranger didn't even know today was Valentine's Day. It wasn't like we were a couple. Yes we went on dates and spent the majority of our time together…but still.

The alarm clock was about to go off so I reached over and flipped it off before it could. I kissed Rangers chest and worked my way up to his ear. "Wake up Ranger, time to go get fit."

Ranger groaned, "I'm already fit. This is a good way to wake up though. A very good way. We should do this more often." He rolled over to his dresser and pulled out a box. He turned to face me and handed me the box, "Happy Valentine's Day Babe." He gave me one of his rare smiles and I couldn't help but grin like a baboon in response.

I sat up and crossed my legs, "You didn't have to get me anything. I would have been happy with a pizza and some time alone."

"Well if you're a good girl you'll get those too," Ranger said and gave me a kiss. I giggled and pulled the ribbon off the box. I opened it expecting to see some jewelry but instead there was a remote similar to the one that got me into Rangeman. I looked at Ranger and raised an eyebrow. "That gets you into my house," he said.

"I already have a key?" I phrased it as a question because I had no idea what was going on here.

"You have a key that can get you can get into Rangeman. That gets you into what I think you usually refer to as the Batcave," Ranger said with a grin. I sat for a moment without saying anything. A key to the Batcave? This was more valuable than the hope diamond.

"Seriously? Are you going to take me there?" I was giddy at the thought.

Ranger sat up now too. "Maybe, you'll have to behave yourself today. Speaking of which, I think it's time to hit the gym." Ranger got out of bed and I turned over and closed my eyes. "Babe. Come on, we'll fight?" Damn. I liked sparring with Ranger. I was getting pretty good and I knew it was good practice. At least no one would be able to handcuff me naked to a shower rod and paint me blue and silver again. It had taken weeks for the paint to fade completely.

I got up and staggered into my gym clothes, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and threw my hair up in a pony tail. Ranger was waiting for my in the kitchen when I was done. We went down to the gym and stretched side by side. No one else was here yet, the others didn't usually come in until seven. I couldn't blame them, who wanted to get up early to come to work? Although Ranger did pay them for their one hour work outs, which I thought was awful nice. He said being in shape was part of the job.

We worked on my kicks and I actually landed quite a few. I had no notions of really being able to take Ranger down though. He could pin me in ten seconds. Although last time he'd done that Tank had walked in on us having sex just a few minutes later. I was now ultra paranoid that we were going to get caught again. Ranger seemed to think it was no big deal. Maybe not for him, he had the body of a Greek god. I had the body of a Tastykake. All the mornings spent at Rangeman were getting me into shape nicely though.

I'd started working three days a week for Ranger again. The bounty hunter business had been going amazingly slow and I made the mistake of taking Ranger to the bank with me one afternoon. He'd seen my balance and freaked out. I'd had about $20. He was paying me way too much for what I was doing and giving me health insurance. I'd been able to not only pay my rent but buy Ranger a Rolex (with the help of my Mastercard) that was basically safe from Ranger's way of life, for Valentine's Day.

The men who were working the second shift started to show up and I sparred with Lester and Bobby while Ranger did push-ups and sit-ups. It was hard to concentrate with Ranger doing all that shirtless exercise. I stopped and watched him at one point and got biffed a good one by Bobby.

"Stop looking at Ric's muscles and pay attention Bombshell. You're hurting my feelings. You don't look at me like that." Bobby's voice wasn't concerned, it was taunting and so I flew into a pattern of kicks and punches, landing most of them and knocking Bobby on his ass.

"Maybe you should pay attention Brown. Babe just kicked your ass," Ranger said in his disapproving voice. I turned to Ranger and gave him a huge smile. "Come one babe, time to get to work."

Once we were upstairs we took a shower together, which made us late, and then got dressed quickly and went downstairs without eating breakfast. I grabbed a granola bar and coffee to take back to my desk while Ranger grabbed some yogurt and fruit. We had been trying very hard to keep things professional at work. I didn't want to undermine Ranger's authority with the men so I adhered to all the same rules as everyone else.

I was in the middle of a search when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and sighed. Grandma Mazur. She was likely to call the office or Ranger's phone if I didn't answer so I picked up.

"Hey Grandma, what's up?"

"I've got a hot date tonight with Leonard Pensky. I need me some of those sexy underwear from Victoria's Secret. Will you drive me to the mall? You're mom is watching the girls and your dad is out with his lodge buddies. I suppose I could take the Buick…" Cripes. Grandma wasn't allowed to drive, and for good reason. She would be downright deadly in a car like the Buick.

"Let me check with Ranger and see if I can get off early okay? I'll call you back. Don't go anywhere!" I hung up and walked to Ranger's office. His door was closed so I knocked gently.

"Yeah?" I opened the door and smiled at Ranger. God he was handsome. "Hey babe, what's up?"

"I need a favor?" I asked and shut the door behind me. I walked to his desk and sat on top of it, spreading my legs in a very unlady like manner, especially considering I was wearing a skirt. Ranger's eyes darkened considerably.

"Babe you forgot to put on panties."

"Didn't forget, chose not to. Now about that favor? Grandma Mazur needs me to drive her somewhere. Can I get off early?"

Ranger was staring up my skirt and he suddenly reached out and pulled my ass forward while pushing my skirt up around my waist. He spread my legs wide and kissed and licked his way up my thigh. Cripes. I glanced at the door, I hadn't locked it. "No one will come in without knocking." Ranger's tongue found my slit and I forgot to care about the door being unlocked. I grasped the edge of the desk as Ranger's lips closed around my clit. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. "Shhh Babe." He licked and sucked at me until I was on the edge and then turned me around so I was laying on my stomach over the edge of the desk. I heard his pants unzipping and then he was suddenly inside of me. Foreplay over. He wasn't being gentle and that turned me on so much that I didn't need him to be gentle. I was wet enough for his hard, deep strokes. My fingers clawed at the desk and I bit my lip until it bled to keep from screaming.

"Christ Ranger, I'm almost there, just a little harder." He slammed into me a few more times and I reached the edge and then fell off. I couldn't hold in my moans anymore as my orgasm took me over. Ranger was right behind me, my pussy convulsing around him setting him off so he poured inside of me. His lips found my neck and then he flipped me around and kissed me hard.

"You can leave early," He said with a slight grin. I grinned back and kissed him. I pushed him down on his chair and straddled him. He was still hard. The man had amazing staying power. I shifted slightly and he slipped inside me again. "Dios babe." This time I rode him slowly but we were both still sensitive from the last time and we came quickly. I stood up with a grin.

"I have to go now. I'll be back by five."

"You better be. I have plans for us." Ranger said as I walked out the door. The men were looking at me. Ranger walked out of the office behind me and a round of applause went through the office. "You forgot your cell," He said to me in a quiet voice. He looked around the room, "Anyone want to say something?" There was a chorus of no's and everyone got back to work. "Lester. You're on Bomber duty." I sighed and Ranger grinned, "Hey it's work hours. You get a partner whether you're doing work stuff or not. Those are the rules. And when you're not doing work stuff you get a body guard."

"Yada Yada Yada. I get it." I looked at Lester. "I need to go up to seven real quick. I'll meet you in the garage in ten." On seven I changed out of the skirt and into some jeans and a lacy pink cami. I covered it with a black tank top, grabbed a black hoodie and some black and pink chucks. I was a rebel without a cause and ready to go.

Lester drove of course; I was a woman and therefore not allowed to drive. Or it could have been that last time I drove with Lester I'd spotted a skip, ran four red lights, three stop signs and then hit a cop car driven by my cousin Eddie. I told Lester that we were picking up Grandma Mazur and a slight look of fear came into his eyes. Grandma likes Lester. He was no Ranger but he was good looking and buff as all get out. Lester had been groped a few times by Grandma now and liked to keep his distance.

Grandma was waiting on the porch when we pulled up, wearing some strange dress that kind of looked like pajamas to me. Grandma got into the backseat of the SUV and I made sure she buckled up. I directed Lester to the mall and he groaned.

"Hey, don't blame me, you keep getting crappy assignments 'cause you kept looking at me when I was cuffed to the shower. Ranger wasn't all that happy with you."

"Don't I know it. So what are we getting at the mall?" Lester asked and glanced at Grandma in the rearview mirror.

"New panties. I'm thinking I might go crotchless." Lester almost drove off the road. I held back a giggle and looked at Grandma.

"Those are pretty uncomfortable actually. But we'll find you something nice." This was going to be a long afternoon. I thought back to half an hour ago when I'd been half naked and on top of Ranger and grinned. I wish I could have spent all day like that.

We got to the mall and walked to Victoria's Secret. I figured I might as well buy something while we were there so I got a corset and lacy boy shorts with garters and some silky stockings. I talked grandma into getting something that wouldn't scare the bejebus out of anyone who saw her.

Lester looked me up and down when he saw my purchase and he grinned. "Not even a little Lester. Never gonna happen. Besides Ranger would kill you."

"It would be worth it," Lester said with a wink. I laughed and shook my head slightly. "What's going on with you and the boss many anyway? You two getting serious?"

I sighed, "I have no clue. He's so hard to read. One minute he seems serious and the next…not so much. I think we're just kind of doing what feels good right now."

"Yeah, you been doing a lot of what feels good. Apparently twice in his office. Christ, you're loud."

"Lester!" I gave him a dirty look and Grandma wandered over from the cash register. We stopped at the food court and all got something different. Gotta love eating somewhere I could have a burger, Grandma could try a pita, and Lester could get a whole pizza for himself. We also got Ben & Jerry's for dessert before heading back to the car. We dropped Grandma off and made it back to Rangeman before five. I went upstairs to get ready, not really knowing what to expect. I put on my new lingerie and a little black dress and some FMP's. I worked my hair so it fell in curly tendrils all around my head instead of my normal frizz. I added makeup and sat in the chair in the corner of the room waiting for Ranger.

I heard the door open and he called out "babe", I didn't answer. He walked in the bedroom and straight to the bathroom, shucking his pants and shirt and turning on the shower. He put his hand on his shoulder and tried to work out a kink.

"You need some help?" He spun around and looked at me surprised. It wasn't often that I got to surprise Ranger. I stood up and Ranger grinned.

"Babe." He walked over to me slowly. "You look good in this. But you'll look even better out of it." He toyed with the strap for a second before kissing me. "I'm going to hop in the shower and then we'll head out. You hungry?"

"Yup." Ranger walked to the shower and I made my way to the living room and flipped on the TV. I was watching Property Virgins on HGTV when he came out. He had on black dress slacks and a black dress shirt with the top button undone. The only thing not dark on him was the dull silver of his dog tags peeking out from his shirt.

My mouth went a little dry at the site of him, "And you 'babed' me? Good god Ranger, you go out looking like that your likely to break some hearts."

"You go out looking like that and I'm likely to break some noses." He took my hand and we got on the elevator. Ranger went into his zone while we drove, which was fine by me, I wanted to memorize our route in case we were going to the Batcave. We ended up at a very fancy steak place instead.

Red meat in the temple? What kind of alternate universe had I been thrown into?

"Babe, it's a special night, my body isn't a temple. Hell I'm even going to have dessert." He got out of the car and walked around to my side and opened the door. Cripes, dessert? Maybe Ranger had been abducted by aliens. He chuckled and helped me out of the car.

We walked in and Ranger told the hostess he had a reservation for Manoso. We were seated right away at a nice private table. Ranger ordered wine for us and I raised an eye. Red meat, dessert and alcohol? I was really worried.

Dinner was amazing and dessert might have been even better. I ate all of my chocolate mousse and a good part of Ranger's cheesecake. Ranger pulled Tiffany box out his pocket and laid it down.

"Ooh, another present? Ranger! Well here, you can open yours too." I pulled out the box containing his watch and handed it over. Ranger motioned for me to go first. This box actually contained jewelry. It was a gorgeous platinum necklace with white and yellow diamonds as well as pink and blue sapphires.

"Whoa Ranger…this is way too much." Ranger shushed me and walked around me to put clasp it around my neck.

"You like it?"

"I love it, but it must have cost a fortune."

"Don't worry about that. Can I open mine now?" I nodded; my present seemed somewhat inadequate now that I was wearing several thousands, if not tens of thousands of diamonds around my neck. Ranger opened the box and I saw a smile grace his beautiful lips. "Babe. This is amazing."

"It's like shatter proof and water proof and manly…so I thought it would work for you. I noticed you didn't wear one…you can take it back if you don't like it."

"I love it. Thank you babe." He put the watch on and I beamed. "I must be paying you too much if you can afford this though."

I laughed and we got up to leave, Ranger linked his hand into mine and I fingered my necklace. It was amazing and entirely too much for a friendship.

"Babe you are way more to me then a friend," he said as he opened my door for me. I slid into the car and smiled at Ranger as he got in next to me. I kept careful track of where we were going as we drove. We got off the freeway and turned onto a street lined with large houses and perfectly manicured lawns. At the end of the street Ranger pushed a button on his remote and a gate opened. The house wasn't a gigantic castle but I think it could be called a mansion. It was modern and had a lot of glass. It was also very Ranger, just as gorgeous and fortified. He pulled around back and I saw a garage that looked like it could hold at least ten cars.

"This is really the Batcave? You're not messing with me?" I asked. I couldn't help but be suspicious. I'd known this man for years and had no idea where his house was.

"This is really the Batcave babe."

"And I have a key?" I asked. Ranger nodded and hopped out of the car and walked around to open my door. I followed him to the back door and looked at a finger print reader. He swiped his finger, entered a number and then motioned for me to swipe my finger.

"You're in the system now. You're only of only five people that can get into this house Babe."

"The others?"

"Me, Ella, Louis, and Tank," He said as he swiped his finger again. He opened the door and flipped on the kitchen lights. Even I, someone who's culinary experienced began and ended at peanut butter sandwiches, could see the beauty in this kitchen. I walked slowly from the kitchen and into the living room, running my hand over the big comfy looking leather sofa.

The walls were lined with photos, mostly black and whites that looked artistic but where casual family shots when you looked closer. There were shots of Ranger when he was younger; people that I assumed were his mom, dad and grandma. Photos of his sisters and brother, his nieces and nephews. Pictures of Julie from the time she was a baby to now. And then there were pictures of me. Some of them had Ranger too but others were just of me, taken by the Merry Men or Ella over the years. There was a picture of Ranger and I kissing under some mistletoe at a Rangeman Christmas party. There was a shot of me on Ranger's shoulders in the ocean at Point Pleasant, my hands covering his eyes. Another shot showed me posing on the Turbo like a model. Some photos of me with the Merry Men were even there and I realized they were stills from security footage. A picture Tank giving me a piggy back ride and sticking my tongue out at the camera, one of me giving Lester bunny ears. The last one was of the backs of Ranger and I, walking towards the elevator, hand in hand, my head on his shoulder.

I kept walking, finding a stairway and following it up to the second floor. I peeked in all the rooms until I found Ranger's. There were more pictures, these ones in color. There was a picture of me in black cargos and a black wifebeater, black baseball cap and CAT boots. Ranger was standing next to me in the exact same outfit, each of us were holding guns. We were grinning at each other like idiots.

Ranger was sitting on the bed when I turned around, a thick file in his hand. "Your last present." He handed me the files and I saw the front was stamped confidential.

"Are you allowed to show this to me?"

"No, so don't tell anyone. Everything you could ever want to know about me is in that file. I was reading through it Wednesday and realized you already know a lot of it Babe. But I want you to read it, you need to know some of that stuff before you make a decision about me. There is a one page summary of every mission I've ever been on."

There must have been hundreds of pages. I sat down next to him and opened to the first page. It was a simple bio, name, DOB, social security number, parent's names, military history and rank. I read through the first couple mission statements. They were all Black Ops. Mostly rescue missions and assassinations. After the tenth or eleventh one I shut the file and set it down. Ranger looked crestfallen at my reaction.

"Did you think this was going to make me see you in a different light Ranger? Come on, I've known for a long time what you did. It doesn't bother me. Maybe you're legally grey, or hell even black sometimes, but you're always morally white. I know you Ranger. This file isn't you. It's your job. So if you want to scare me away you're going to have to try again." I sighed and stood up.

Ranger stood quickly and put his hand on my waist to stop me from turning around, "You're not…upset about what I do?" He asked. I realized I'd misunderstood. He didn't want me to be upset. He wanted me to be okay with it. I wrapped my arms around Ranger's waist and then rose up on my tippy toes to kiss him softly. Ranger moaned into my mouth and I pushed him back onto the bed. I crawled on top of him started kissing his neck. I unbuttoned his shirt and kissed the skin that became exposed after each button came undone. I licked a line on his abdomen along the waistband of his pants and heard him suck in a breath. I undid his pants and tugged them down his legs and let them drop to the floor. I stood up and pulled my dress over my head, leaving me in the black corset and garters and my FMP's.

"Dios." I crawled on top of Ranger and straddled his legs. I bent over and licked his dick from base to tip and then took him into my mouth until he was touching the back of my throat. Ranger muttered Dios under his breath again and fisted his hands into the sheets. I slid my mouth up and down his shaft, swirling my tongue around his head until his hips were bucking underneath me. "Babe, I'm too close." I gave him one final lick and then moved up so I was straddling him, my slit sliding over his cock. Ranger lifted me and then pulled me down onto him. I moved down his shaft until he was buried in me as deeply as he could go. I rocked back and forth, lifting my hips slightly. Ranger got inpatient and flipped me so I was on my back. He slid back into me and picked up the pace, suddenly fucking me hard and deep. His hands and mouth were everywhere and I was moaning and my back was arching. I had my first orgasm and Ranger kept pounding into me until I had another. Now I was the one fisting the sheets. Ranger reached down spread my legs a little further and then started rubbing my clit. I didn't need the extra stimulation but it made me reach the ledge that much faster. Ranger groaned and sucked on my neck as I convulsed around him, finally making him come too.

"Dios babe, I love you."

I waited for the qualifiers and when they didn't come I smiled and whispered, "I love you too."

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**Was that a valentines day to remember? Let me know..**


	4. The One With A Pot of Something

**Please drink and read responsibly.

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**

"Come on Beautiful, wake up." I saw a burst of light as Lester opened my curtains. I threw a pillow at him with my eyes closed. I didn't want to get up. I turned over and buried my head under a pillow. Lester pulled off my sheets, exposing my naked ass. "Look, no green!" He gave my ass cheek a hard pinch and I kicked him away. The movement had probably given him the show of a life time. "Come on Bomber, today we're all Irish, and we're gonna party like it."

I groaned and Lester sighed. "Steph you can't act like this the whole time he's gone. He'll be back, he's fine, if he wasn't we would have heard. So get your ass out of this bed and put on the clothes I left you." I heard the bedroom door shut and sat up wearily. Ranger had been gone since the day after Valentine's, he'd been gone for one month. In that time he'd been able to call me once and he'd sounded like hell. He hadn't been able to tell me where he was but I'd heard what sounded like French in the background.

I knew if I didn't get up on my own Lester would drag me out of bed and into the shower so I rolled out and put on my robe. I gave Lester a dirty look as I walked past him in the hallway. As strange as it sounded Ranger's shower gel made me feel better so I lathered myself up. At over $6 an ounce I was glad that Ranger had started to buy it for me.

I relaxed in the shower, thinking of our last conversation before he'd left. The phone call that had interrupted our breakfast. His one words answers to the person on the phone. He'd looked at me with sad eyes, "I gotta go save the world Babe."

I'd given him what would pass for a smile, **"No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit?"**

A knock on the bathroom door pulled me out of my reverie. "Beautiful? You didn't crawl out the window did you?" Lester asked.

"No, I'm almost done." I hurriedly finished the rest of my shower and wrapped myself in my robe again. I walked past Lester and looked at the clothes he'd laid out. I did a mental groan. There were skin tight low rise dark wash jeans, A white tank top that read "Kiss me even though I'm not Irish," a pair of gorgeous fuck me leather boots that were an amazing sage green and a matching purse. I looked at the label. Michael Kors. Fuck me. There was also a tiny pair of lace panties and a matching bra, in green of course. I put everything on and transferred my shit to the new purse. I thought about Ranger as I did my hair and makeup. I'd gotten a flat iron and had taken to using it every once in a while. Today I straightened my hair, making it sleek and shiny. I'd never worn my hair like this in front of the Merry Men, Lester whistled when I came out of the bathroom.

"Wow Gorgeous." He led me out of the apartment and we loaded into a Rangeman SUV.

I looked at Lester and realized for the first time that he was wearing a shirt that matched mine. When we got to the office I realized all the men were wearing them. It made me laugh. I'd been using Ranger's office while he was gone and I settled in to do some searches. A few hours later I got a text message that read **Babe. I'm so glad to see you. **I looked up, confused, to see Ranger standing in the door way.

I didn't bother going around the desk, I climbed over it and launched myself at him. He caught me in his arms and spun me around. He was filthy, covered in dirt and he'd never looked more gorgeous to me. I found his lips and he backed up until I was sitting on the desk, he took a step back to look at me and grinned. I'd never seen Ranger in fatigues before, I licked my lips. He looked fucking sexy as hell. He stepped back in between my legs and started to peel my shirt off. There was a cough from the doorway.

"What?" Ranger asked with obvious annoyance.

"Bombshell promised to come out with us tonight. You need to go get cleaned up if you're coming." Tank said. I sighed. I had promised, but now Ranger was home.

Ranger nodded, "Come on, we have plenty of time for this. Where are you guys headed, I'll meet you there."

"McGuire's 'o course!" Tank said in really bad Irish accent.

"I'll wait for you," I said to Ranger.

"No babe, go start having some fun. Tonight we celebrate." I must've looked hurt, "Babe, it was…bad…this time, I just need a few minutes to pull myself together, is that okay?"

I nodded, "of course, we'll see you soon." I followed Tank out to the main floor and then followed the stampede down the stairs and to the SUV's. We got to the pub and Tank ordered us a round of Irish stout and we drank lightly, after all boss man wasn't here yet. When he came in there was a loud round of applause. Ranger came over to me and gave me another heart stopping kiss. We started drinking the beer and before long we were drinking shots of Irish whiskey. There was music playing and I danced with the men, Ranger kept a close eye on me and the guys.

Someone put on some slow music and Ranger walked up to me. He held me tight against him, he had to, I was completely pissed. I couldn't stand. The music stopped and Ranger whispered my ear, "come on, let's get you home so I can find the pot of gold."

I spoke much too loudly, "I think ya wanna find my honey pot not a pot a gold."

The men all stared at me, mouths gaping. Ranger swept me up, "yep you've had enough to drink."

"I coulda tolded you that."

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**Next up? Oh eff. I'm too tired to even remember. Reviews please. **


	5. The One With The Full Body Cast

**Enjoy April Fools Day!

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**

I smiled an evil little smile as I set off the first panic button and hid it in Grandma Mazur's underwear drawer. I hightailed it out of my parent's house and jumped in the car I had borrowed from Ranger that didn't have a tracker installed. I drove to the next location and waited until I got the call from Ranger on my disposable cell phone.

"Babe. You're set. It's complete pandemonium around here, I'm having a hard time pretending to upset and mad," Ranger said.

"I still can't believe you agreed to this."

"Anything for you Babe. Alright, panic button two is activated. They're only about ten minutes from you. Hurry. Be careful."

I pushed the button and tossed it into Morelli's backyard. I heard a woof and looked over the fence. Oh fuck. Bob ate the button. Well that wasn't supposed to happen. Oh well. I got back into my car and went merrily along to the next location.

Ranger called again, "Babe this is almost inhumane. But very funny. I actually just heard Hal say 'Why God? Why me?'and I'm pretty sure he cried. I do have a question though. Why did you let Bob eat the transmitter?"

"I didn't mean too!"

"Well Hector thinks Bob ate you," Ranger said with a chuckle. I laughed out loud.

"The scary thing is that I think that could happen."

"Babe. You're up and running." Ranger disconnected and I pushed the button on the next transmitter. I threw it down the storm drain. They'd be chasing this one for hours. I drove back to Rangeman, Ranger had promised me he'd send everyone out so that I could be waiting for them with a smile when they returned.

I went into the office and took a seat at the control center. I felt Ranger come up behind me and his mouth found my neck. His cell phone vibrates and he stopped to answer it.

"Talk. What? Send someone to man the control room now!" He shut the phone and turned to me. "Lester jumped into the storm drain, he's hurt bad Steph, we have to go." I couldn't think for a second. This was my fault. I'd sent them on a wild goose chase and Lester had gotten hurt. I flat out ran for the stairs, the elevator would take too long, and I heard Ranger following behind me. I was in the driver's seat by the time he was in the garage and he swung himself into the passenger seat and I was out of the garage within a second of the gate opening.

"Christ you're going to kill us!" Ranger said. I didn't slow down. Thank god Ranger was with me, I got his parking karma and found a spot right in front of the entrance. We rushed in and I was told that Lester was in room 315. We rode the elevator anxiously, I burst into his room, The Merry Men were everywhere. Lester was in what looked like a full body cast. I couldn't see anything but his eyes which were closed. It was horrible.

I started crying and ran up to him, "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry." I was sobbing and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned into Ranger but backed up when I realized it didn't smell like him. I tilted my head up to look.

"April Fools Bomber!" Lester said with a huge grin.

I froze for a second, "WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!"

"That's one of the test dummies they use to teach med students." I glared at Lester. "Holy fuck. Ranger? She isn't going to kill me is she?" He asked.

"Run," I said. Lester's eyes widened and he took off. I ran after him screaming bloody murder.

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**Two Hours Later**

I gave Lester another dirty look and fidgeted in my seat. Christ what was taking so long? Finally I heard footsteps and looked up, hoping to see Ranger. Instead it was Joe. Cripes.

"Hey Cupcake." I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Get me out of here!"

"I can't do that. Someone has to post your bail. You were in the middle of the street with an unregistered gun threatening to kill someone."

I shot another glare at Lester, "He deserved it." At least he got hauled in too. He'd been carrying concealed.

"Manoso said he'll be here to bail you out in when he thinks you've learned your lesson," Joe said with a grin.

He walked off. I grabbed the bars and yelled "MORELLI GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND LET ME OUT OR I'LL RUN YOU OVER WITH THE BUICK AGAIN! MORELLI!"

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**Just a silly chapter, but I like reviews. **


	6. The One With All the Sins

**Look! Its Good Friday! Enjoy. **

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Spending Friday afternoon in a small little both confessing my sins wasn't my idea of a good time but it felt somewhat necessary considering I was going to church tomorrow with Ranger's family. Who I hadn't yet met. So, bursting into flames seemed like a bad idea. Certainly not a good first impression.

I walked into the church slowly and then blessed myself with the holy water. I knelt at the altar and said a quick prayer before walking into the confessional and sitting. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been…uh…four…years since my last confession."

I sat for a second and thought. "Well, I suppose it all started when I got fired from my job buying panties. I black mailed my cousin into letting me work for him as a bounty hunter. Well at first I wasn't very good but then I got stuck trying to bring in Joe Morelli. I've know Joe for a long time, in fact I've already done penance for letting him finger me when I was five and for letting him de-virginize me when I was sixteen. Oh and for hitting him with my car. Anyway so Joe was a skip of mine and he was where the real trouble started. We dated off and on for years and we had a lot of highly immoral sex. I mean we did things that I'm not even sure are legal. Although he never did give me a doomsday orgasm…" I trailed off and heard a cough. "Are you okay?"

"Yes dear, er…what, may I ask, is a doomsday orgasm?"

"Oh well it's when you have so many great orgasms that they all kind of blend together and you black out," I said. "Anyway I guess that's where Ranger comes in. He's another bounty hunter and my mentor. He also saves me a lot. And I need a lot of saving let me tell you. Is blowing up things a sin?"

"Er…do you mean to blow things up?"

"No of course not. It just kind of happens to me. I destroy a lot of stuff…buildings, cars. Stuff like that. I also find a lot of dead bodies. I swear they follow me around. And I've killed once or twice too." I heard a sharp intake of breath, "Oh, I didn't mean to of course. But accidents tend to happen with me around. So yeah Ranger saves me from all the blow ups and accidents. And of course the kidnappers and stalkers. It seems like I'm always being kidnapped or stalked, or painted blue and chained naked to a shower curtain." I heard another sharp intake of breath and paused.

"Er…?"

"Oh well, angry Cowboy's fans you know. At any rate so he saves me and there was always this huge amount of sexual tension between us. MAJOR. And he flirts constantly. And god he's fine. Oops sorry. I mean, yeah he's good looking. So finally we had sex. And it was good sex. Amazing sex. Doomsday orgasm sex. And then he tells me I should go back to the cop! That's Morelli by the way. I did but we broke up. Anyway now I'm with Ranger and he's the one I'm having all the kinky pre-marriage sex with."

"I also swear. A lot. I mean I'm constantly rolling in garbage and getting stun gunned, 'fudge' just doesn't do a lot In those situations right? So if I had to guess I'd say two or three 'fucks' a day so we'll go with 4500 in the last four years, I'd double that number for goddamns and Jesus Christs. Shit and damn have to be way more."

"My dear you do seem to have a rather colorful vocabulary."

"Damn skippy. Oops. Um. Okay, also there's sloth and gluttony. For a while there I wasn't exercising much as all, but now I'm working for Rangeman regularly and I have to exercise. I eat. A lot. And mostly bad for me things, because you know, celery just doesn't taste as good as a Tastykake, no matter what you do to it. And who can live without pineapple upside down cake?" I paused to take a breath.

"So we've covered lust, gluttony, and sloth. I don't think I'm too greedy…but I do like shoes. I have a lot of FMP's and-" I was interrupted by a 'hem hem' from the priest.

"What are FMP's?"

"Oh…er…fuck me pumps."

"I see. Please uh, continue."

"Thank you. And purses of course. I envy all the time, I envy people who don't blow up cars or roll in garbage. I hate doing those things. I guess that's wrath. Oh and last week while chasing a skip, someone tripped me and without seeing who it was I said 'Fucking son a bitch whore', it was a nun.

"You called a nun a whore?"

"Yes I did."

"Ok my dear, you've amassed quite the list of sins. I believe however that your heart is in the right place. Help the community, fifteen Hail Mary's." I had the distinct feeling that he was trying to get rid of me so did my act of contrition prayer and he absolved me and I got up to leave.

I exited the confessional to find Ranger leaning against a pew. "You might want to go easy on the poor man. I'm quite a shock to the system…" I said. The door opened and the priest came out. He hung a sign that said "closed" on the door and walked off muttering about needing a drink.

Ranger looked at me with a cocked eyebrow, "Babe, you broke the priest."

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**Was this a good holiday chapter? **


	7. the One With the White Stuff

**Enjoy!

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**

I'd spent the night in my own apartment and I wasn't all that surprised to wake up to my phone ringing. I didn't even bother setting my alarm any more, I knew the phone would ring and wake me up at a decent time. Although what other people would consider decent was, all too often, not decent at all.

I jabbed an arm out from under my covers, shivering as cold hair hit my arm and stumbled around for my phone. I grabbed it and pulled it back under the covers. It was playing the batman theme and that meant Ranger was on the other end.

"'lo?" I answered groggily.

"You looked outside yet babe?" Ranger asked me.

Huh? Outside? Why the hell would I look outside? "Ranger what time is it?"

"About one babe." I heard my locks tumble and knew he'd be in my room in a minute so I turned off my phone and buried my head in my pillow. A few seconds later my covers were pulled from me. The air that hit my bare body was freezing. I heard a low growl from Ranger and then he flipped me over. I automatically parted my legs and pushed his head toward the promised land. He flicked out his tongue long enough to circle my clit and then pulled back. "Not why I'm here babe."

I groaned and sat up, "That would be the only acceptable explanation for you waking me up at this hour Ranger." I gave him my version of his scary look but he only chuckled. He opened my closet and looked through it, tossing me some skinny jeans, a black thermal shirt with little pink stars on it and then a black t-shirt. A black pea coat, black gloves, black skullcap and black scarf were all tossed at me. And then a black pair of socks and black Uggs. I looked at the outfit wearily and sighed. "You forgot something," I said as I stood up.

Ranger crossed to my dresser and pulled out a lacy black bra and panty set and tossed them to me. "I didn't forget babe." His words sent a shiver down my spine. I took a minute to let my eyes rake over him as I got dressed. Black thermal shirt, black cargos, black boots.

I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and scrubbed my face with a wash cloth. Thanks to some indoor tanning I didn't even need makeup. Well, I might've needed it but I sure as hell wasn't going to bother.

I shrugged into the jacket, scarf, gloves and hat, which personally I thought was overkill. Yeah it had been cold but it's not like we're going to be sitting in the twenty degree weather on Easter Sunday.

Ranger grinned at me and told me I wouldn't need my purse. I followed him out and down the elevator. I opened the doors and screeched. There was at least a foot of snow outside. I stepped out and stopped to look around. Everything was covered in white and huge flakes were falling at a furious pace. Jersey looked beautiful.

I only got a few seconds to enjoy the peace and beauty of the snow before ten men in black popped up and started pelting Ranger and I with snowballs.

"AGHHHHH WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" I screamed and took cover behind Ranger who, to my amazement, was laughing. I gathered some snow and packed it and looked around Ranger to throw it at Tank's head. He grinned and ran for us, Ranger tried to protect me but he was attacked by Ram and Cal and Tank grabbed me. I was tossed into a huge snow drift and found myself trapped. "HELP HELP HELP!" My yelling was too much and all the sudden an avalanche of snow came down on me. I sputtered but didn't have time to freak before the snow started being taken off of me. Rangers arm reached in and he pulled me out.

I took off down the street, slipping and falling several times, Merry Men giving chase. I hunkered down and threw a few covert balls before they found me. I took off again, leading them through the streets, listening happily to their bantering as they followed me. I got to IHOP and waited outside the doors. Ranger showed up mere seconds after me and pinned me against the building. His cold lips found mine and then his hot tongue traced my bottom lip, seeking entrance. I gave it with a moan and shucked my gloves, pushing my cold hands underneath Ranger's jacket and shirt. He shivered and his hands found their way under my shirt. My nipples pebbled to his touch.

"Uh…you two wanna come inside or are you just gonna do it right here on the street?" Tank asked and chuckled. Ranger pealed himself away from me and shot Tank a look that made him stop mid chuckle. He held the door open for me and we all trouped inside. The waitress obviously wasn't used to eleven hot and large snow covered men, dressed in black, plus one equally snow covered woman coming into her restaurant at two in the morning.

She recovered well though and arranged a few tables for us so we were sitting in a long row. It reminded me of high school. The men ordered coffee and I ordered both a hot chocolate and a Pepsi. I pretended not to notice the head shake from Ranger or the grins from the rest of the men. The amount of food ordered staggered the waitress. Even Ranger got (whole wheat) pancakes with his egg white and veggie omelet. My omelet was filled with cheese and bacon; my pancakes were chocolate chocolate chip and topped with whipped cream.

We devoured our food quickly and Ranger slapped an impressive looking black AMEX down to pay for it all. He brushed off thank you's from the men and me and we all ambled back to my apartment. The men loaded into two Rangerman SUV's, equipped with chains and took off. Ranger followed me up to my apartment and did his usual check before letting me in.

"What a way to start Easter huh?" I asked. Ranger grinned and pointed to an Easter basket sitting on the table. Mixed in with the chocolates and massage oils was a little blue Tiffany box and inside was a beautiful platinum and diamond cross.

"Thought maybe you could use a little help after yesterday…" Ranger said with a grin.

"Well…I don't know how much it will help but if I'm going to hell at least I'll be going in style."

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**How was Easter?**

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	8. The One With The Naked Skip

**Wow, two chapters one day! Go Me! ENJOY!!!

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**

"You tricked me!" I said angrily to Ranger.

He eyed me for a second before speaking, "No I didn't." His tone insinuated that he was right and I was wrong. The end.

"You did! You asked me to spend Cinco De Mayo with you in Mexico!" I accused him and poked him in the chest hard.

"And its Cinco De Mayo. And we're almost in Mexico." Ranger deadpanned.

I gritted my teeth and gave him my scariest look, "Ranger! There are 10 of your men with us! And we're picking up a skip! And we're in Galveston! YOU TRICKED ME!" I turned to look longingly out the hotel window to the beach and across the gulf, where Mexico actually was.

Ranger came up behind me and pressed himself against my back. "And that means if we catch the skip in the next few hours we can celebrate with the guys tonight." He told me and cupped my breasts as his lips found my spine.

Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

I cursed Ranger silently as I walked through the empty locker room. Well almost empty. It turns out our skip was a woman, and one who frequented mud baths at that. I was supposed to apprehend her in the shower.

I stepped around the corner to the showers and stopped dead. We'd all assumed she'd be wearing a bathing suit but she wasn't. Shit. If I didn't get her because she was naked the guys would never let me live it down. Okay, so slap the cuffs on her and then help her get decent and take her outside. No problem.

I stepped into the shower area and fell with a loud crash. Fuck. The skip swirled, taking in my fully clothed body and then my cuffs as I scrambled to get up. I slipped on the soap bubbles and went back down as she tried to dart past me. I scurried on my hands and knees and managed to grab her leg and bring her down.

She whirled on me and attacked, grabbing my hair and dragging me under the spray. She slipped and fell on top of me, squishing her boob in my face. Jesus, how do I get into these situations? I was grappling for my panic button but couldn't reach it. I was pretty sure she was trying to suffocate me with her massive fake boobs and so I opened wide and bit her hard. She reared back and my head snapped backwards, hitting the tile floor.

I laid stunned for a few seconds as the skip grabbed my cuffs and slapped them on my left wrist and then on a pipe. I was still trying to figure out how to speak again as she started stripping me. I opened my mouth and let out an indigent cry. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"You were gonna bring me in naked, so I'm gonna leave you here naked." I started struggling but she managed to get all my clothes off easily enough. She found the panic button in my jeans and grinned. "Don't worry. I'll push the button as soon as I'm out the door."

"No!" I shouted. But I was too late, she walked away, stopped at the back door and pushed the button before tossing it down and walking out the door.

I struggled to sit and draw my legs up but the floor was slick with spilled shampoo and I couldn't do anything to cover myself before Ranger and the Merry Men spilled into the room. They all stopped in shock and stared at me for a second.

"How does this keep happening to you?" Ranger asked.

Lester added, "Hey at least you're not painted this time."

"Fuck you. Fuck you both." I told them as the room erupted in a fit of giggles.

Ranger's voice was loud when he spoke, "Out. Now." The men started filing out fast as Ranger stalked towards me. "Keys?" He asked me.

"Pants." I watched him pick up my jeans and rifle through the pockets until he pulled out the little silver key. He dangled it in front of me and then set it on the ledge outside the shower. I watched in silence as he pulled his wifebeater over his head and took off his pants. He was going commando again and I grinned.

He stalked over to me and yanked me to my feet, the cuffs sliding up the pipe, keeping my hands pinned behind me. He kept pushing my arms up until they were extended all the way and I was on my tip toes. He managed to hook the cuffs over something so my body was hanging.

Ranger kissed my neck and grabbed my legs, pulling them around his waist so that he was pushing against my wet core. He shoved himself inside me and I saw stars.

Maybe being handcuffed to a shower naked wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

**Well have I got my Mojo back? **


End file.
